Understanding Yourself

Prediction: Introverts Will Soon Be in High Demand

Michelle Agner Blog, Communication, Personal Growth, Understanding Yourself 11 Comments

So, you described that guy as an “introvert.”

That’s kind of like a wallflower, right?

Nope.

Well, that’s pretty much what Dictionary.com says. See?

But experts like Susan Cain, Lisa Petrilli, and Marti Olsen Laney offer a new definition for introvert. A better one, if you ask me. But maybe that’s because these experts recently lifted a burden I’d been carrying around for many years.

They describe introverts as people who prefer listening to speaking, reading to partying, and who generally prefer working on their own over brainstorming in teams.

And based on what these experts are saying, we can write off the selfish-sounding second definition listed above, too. Consider that introverts aren’t concerned primarily with their own thoughts and feelings, although they may appear that way.

Yes, introverts focus on thoughts and feelings, but it’s not necessarily limited to their own.

As with extroverts, some introverts are task-oriented, others are people-oriented. And people-oriented introverts consider others’ thoughts and feelings, just like people-oriented extroverts do. Maybe even more. [There's a study mentioned later in this post with supporting data].

The Power of Introverts…at Work

According to Cain, we don’t need giant personalities to lead teams or build great companies. We need people who, instead of building their egos, want to create something to share with the world. And just because you’re an introvert, that doesn’t mean you don’t have what it takes.

Regardless of what that little voice inside your head might be saying. (Just tell him to shut up for a minute.)

In fact, according to the famous study by management theorist and author Jim Collins (Good to Great, 2001 – affiliate link), many of the best-performing companies of the late 20th century – Kimberly-Clark, Coca-Cola, Intel, and Merck – had unassuming leaders who were repeatedly described by their teams in these terms: quiet, humble, modest, reserved, shy, gracious, mild-mannered, self-effacing, understated.

Now we’re talking.

Cain, an introvert herself, publicly shares the impact of living in a culture where being social and outgoing are often prized above all else. In her book, “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking” [affiliate link], Cain reports that it can be difficult, and sometimes feel shameful, to be an introvert in our society.

No argument here.

As she argues in this passionate TED talk, introverts bring extraordinary talents and abilities to the world. She recommends they be encouraged and celebrated.

And it’s not just Cain who is promoting this idea of introvert appreciation.

Last Spring, Harvard Business Review posted the article, How Introverts Can Become Better Innovators. The author, Francesca Gino, and her team of researchers held a lab experiment in which they encouraged participants to adopt either a more introverted or extroverted behavior.

They found that introverts listened carefully to the creative ideas suggested by others, helping others feel valued and motivated to do their work. By contrast, extroverts appeared to feel threatened by the innovative ideas proposed by others, appearing to be less receptive to those ideas.

The article concludes with this exceptional advice for introverts (and I’m not just saying that because it’s the same message we share here and here and here. It really is good advice):

1. Reflect on your creative moments & seek out an environment that triggers them.
2. Recognize the pros and cons of your own personality.
3. Try to adapt your personality to the context.

Free At Last!

Earlier in this post, I mentioned that by bringing these concepts to the mainstream, these experts have lifted a burden that has affected me for many years. A burden that was built upon feelings that something was inherently wrong with me, because I did not fit into (what Cain calls) the Extrovert Ideal in our Culture of Personality.

In fact, last January my DISC assessment placed me on the introverted side of the DISC wheel. And I was extremely resistant to the concept.

I actually told the career coach, “Me? I’m not introverted! I walk in the room and address the group. When everyone at the meeting is clearly uncomfortable, I lighten the moment and poke fun at myself. I’m no introvert!”

My coach smiled. We patiently reviewed the assessment and eventually I became less resistant to the label.

But I was still bothered by the fact that no matter what I did, no matter how hard I worked to adapt and appear like I “should” in order to fit in (enthusiastic, magnetic, dominant, fascinating, etc.), that I couldn’t escape it. I’m an introvert.

So I when I discovered Cain and her fellow introvert fans – along with their alternate view of what it means to be introverted –  I couldn’t believe my eyes. Or my heart. I was so thankful that someone understood these feelings. And that they could also identify with how these feelings had affected me throughout my career.

This research and these publications have impacted me in a significant way. They’ve given me permission to be myself – most of the time. (As the scientists above recommend, sometimes you must adapt to get the results you’re seeking).

For example: when pressed for a decision by an extroverted teammate – or even my boss – I now comfortably say, “I’d like to consider that. Can I get back with you this afternoon?”

I can actually ask for what I need in order to perform at my best! Without experiencing ANY feelings of guilt or inadequacy when I do it.

It’s an amazing feeling. One that has significantly improved my happiness at work. And at home.

One Valuable Gift

Watching Cain impersonate her childhood summer camp counselor totally hit home for me. I, too, had avoided such childhood cheers as ”R-O-W-D-I-E! That’s the way we spell rowdy! Rowdy! Let’s get rowdy!” As a kid, I loathed all such activities.

So later that day, I had my 10-year old daughter watch Cain’s TED talk with me.

When my daughter said, “She’s kind of like me, Mom. That’s so cool!” I got a bit teary.

In fewer than 20 minutes Cain gave my daughter a gift. A gift with that has the potential to empower her to achieve things that I’ve only just begun to dream about for myself.

Thank you, Susan. From both of us.

 

Image courtesy of Tristan Ferne. 

What to Do If You Have a Soul Sucking Job? (A Choose Your Own Adventure Post)

Bryce Christiansen Blog, Professional Development, Understanding Yourself 2 Comments , ,

No one needs to convince you, your job sucks.  You see the mindless drones around you and realize you’re done being like them.  You start to wonder how much longer you can procrastinate making a career move.

Every day you stick around you’re popping more blood vessels in your brain from having to deal with a psychopathic boss and vendetta driven clients.

But you know it’s not easy to just quit.

Maybe you have kids and a family to support and leaving a steady income isn’t the most comfortable thing you could do.

Maybe you have no idea what’s next in your life.  Where you will work, what you will do, who will support you?

But you do know one thing.

You’re tired of working in a soul sucking hellhole and are ready to change that.

As complicated as this seems, you really have only two choices.

Either you…

A.  Figure out a way to deal with your job and turn it around.

Or you…

B.  Leave the daily grind that did nothing but stress, drain, and depress you.

To quit or not to quit, that is the question.

So When Is It Time to Quit?

First, you can read my previous post “Top 10 Reasons Why You Need to Quit Your Soul Sucking Job.”

If you find yourself reading along and nodding your head like a major league bobble head doll riding Montezooma’s Revenge, then you probably need to quit.

Another exercise worth doing is to just simply write out the worst case scenario if you quit.  If your job is THAT bad, then you’ll see you don’t have much to lose.

But what else are signs it’s time to quit.

Well, if you are finding that you are becoming a person you don’t want to be.  Or the job is a never ending source of pain, stress, obsession, fretting, or worry.  Or if the only speck of hope for staying is to, “wait and see if it gets better.”

Don’t stay.  Like the best friend by your side that comforts you after a tough breakup, I’m here to tell you, “YOU CAN DO BETTER.”

So When Is It Time to Stay?

We live in a time where if you’re happy in your job others will call you “lucky”.

And often these “lucky” folk didn’t get there on their first try.  They had the joyless jobs just like everyone else, and some of those they stuck with for the following reasons.

1.  It’s not the right time.

I know, I just said earlier you shouldn’t wait, but there are exceptions.  Maybe the next job you REALLY want requires you to have a certain amount of experience your current job is giving you.

You want that awesome Video Game Editor position?  Well suck it up and pay your dues writing for your C list video game site until you can prove you have the ability to write reviews worthy of the big guys.

2.  You’re not happy with management.

Management isn’t always a permanent roadblock to your happiness, so be careful not to jump ship too quickly just because of your manager.

When I was in college I worked in a bank for about 2 years.  Over those two years I think I saw 4-5 managers come and go.  Whenever there was a manager I didn’t particularly see eye to eye with, I just sucked it up and knew more than likely things would change if I just gave it a few more months.

And it did.  Instead of complaining about management, I tried to adapt to their style.  I found that when they were happy, I was happy.  While all the other coworkers who refused to adapt either left for other positions or got fired.

If it just took a little adaptation in order to ride out the bad times, you may avoid making a jump that isn’t necessary.

At the same time, if  you work at a small company where the founders are your bosses, then you might be out of luck waiting for a new manager to step in.

In a lot of ways life is like a giant “Choose Your Own Adventure Book”.

So with that said do you…

A) Choose to stick it out and learn how to make the best of your current job (If so read on below.)

B) Choose to ditch your job for something better. (If so skip to “Okay, I’ve Decided to Ditch My Job…Now What?)

Okay, I’ve Decided It’s Best to Ride it Out…Now What?

So you’ve decided to ride it out.  You feel work is not the most rewarding at the moment, but there’s a reason to be here…at least for a little longer.  How can I  make the most of it?

1.  What can I do to make a better work situation for myself?

You might be surprised by how much you can change how you feel about a job by just making a few changes yourself.

For example, I have a friend who by night is a popular cosplayer/model but by day works at a cubicle just like the rest of us.  On the weekends she’s visiting comic, video game, and anime conventions from Vancouver, to Phoenix, to Tokyo.  While Monday through Friday, she’s got a “regular” desk job.

Going from nerd celebrity one night to cubicle warrior the next has got to take a toll on you.  So I asked her, how does she cope with such a drastic change in environments.

This is what she sent me.

Sure, Jessica would like to be out at comic and anime conventions 40 hours a week, but she’s realistic and knows that won’t pay the bills.  So why not make the best of the situation?  Add some personality. Be yourself.

2.  What made you happy before work took a dive for the worst?

Chances are if you’re willing to stick it out at your job, something had to have been working at some point.

What were the things that made you happy to work there?  What were the moments that made you proud?

Did you feel warm and fuzzy inside when you were recognized for bringing in the most leads that month?  Did you feel happy when you went to lunch with your buddies instead of staying in the office?

Write these things down.  Then answer yourself, “How can I make these things happen more often?”

Every “high” moment can really add up while you stick it out.

3.  What are the underlying issues?

Maybe your job is soul sucking, but if you could overcome a few hurdles it could actually be quite rewarding.

It could be that you’re weak in a few skill sets like managing your time, sales, organization, or presentations.

These days there are a number of resources you can check out to get help with what ever business skills you are lacking.

Get some books, find online courses on Udemy, or just Google it.  It’s truly an age of information we live in.

Okay, I’ve Decided to Ditch My Job…Now What?

So you’ve decided to move on to greener pastures.  How should I prepare?

It’s like you are embarking on a grand camping trip and just want to make sure you don’t forget anything before you set out.  Because the last thing you want to do is get yourself out in the woods and realize you forgot your flashlight.

So here’s your checklist for leaving a job.

1.  Prepare enough notice for your current employer to make the transition smooth for them too.

Most people think two weeks notice is standard practice for leaving a job, but that’s not always the case.

Sometimes it’s more.  What if you are the only one in the company that knows how to run their complicated systems.  If you leave without giving them documentation for the next guy, your boss isn’t likely to leave a glowing recommendation when you decide to look for your next job.

Your new employer will likely understand this as well.  Who knows, maybe they’ve been caught in that situation themselves.  If they are “good people” they won’t force you to do that to your current employer either.

2.  Prepare for your own departure.

Chances are you’ve built up some impressive resume items working for your company, and you might like to share some of those things on your own portfolio to land the next gig.

Take note of any metrics you’ve accomplished for the company whether it was sales, customer satisfaction, or whatever metrics were used to keep you accountable.

If you worked on some impressive projects, you might want to have a copy of your project plan on hand.

Warning: be sure you don’t violate any of your companies policies by doing so.  Making copies of confidential, client, or other works can end up getting you fired.  If you don’t know the company policies, be sure to get clarification from the HR department.

3.  Write a formal resignation letter.

Don’t be one of those dopes who quits with a bang to get attention from their friends or the internet.

Even though work did some things to wrong you, they also were the same people who kept a roof over your head.  So the least you can do is thank them for the job experience and investments they placed in you.

Again, remember that when you look for your next job, it’s these guys who you’ll want as your references.

4.  Avoid gossiping to coworkers before you let your boss know.

I know how you feel.  You are excited to finally get out of your hellhole of a job and you want to share it with your buddy in the cubicle next to you.

But you never know how far word might spread. Suddenly Susan in marketing knows all about your plans and happens to be meeting with your boss at Applebee’s tonight.  Guess what’s going to come up while they’re chowing on buffalo wings?

We’ve all been the last to know about something we feel we should have been the first to know.  It’s a bummer.  And no matter how much you hate your boss, the last feeling you want to leave is that you were an office gossip.

5.  Finish strong.

There are two types of impressions you have on someone.  A first and a last.

You probably aced your first impression by securing your job.  You should end the same way.

Let your boss know you want things to work out for them, that you’ll wrap up loose ends, finish projects, and ultimately leave them in a better position than when you started.

What’s Your Biggest Challenge When It Comes to Dealing With or Leaving a Soul Sucking Job?

The last thing I want to do is assume you all have the same situation when it comes to work and that there is one silver bullet for each of you.

That’s preposterous. So let me know what’s challenging you in the comments and I’ll be happy to help.

image courtesy of Jessica Watkins DeWinter

Work-Related Travel: Bonus or Burden?

Guest Author Blog, Understanding Yourself 4 Comments

Would you say yes to a terrific job opportunity that requires a lot of travel?

To some people, that’s the ultimate job – their dream come true. For people who are either starting out in their careers, or those who love to travel. For people who don’t have significant others or kids, who are relatively independent in their responsibilities and personal life duties.

But the rest of us? Not so much.

For example, if you’re the primary caretaker of small children, this option won’t even cross your mind. It is totally out of the question.

Or for those who don’t enjoy travel in the first place, the thought of working around different time zones, eating unfamiliar food in different places and sleeping in a different bed might be enough to bring a major anxiety attack.

There are definitely two sides to this lifestyle story. And, it pays to look at both before you go and get your heart set on something that you might regret later on.

See the world, all expenses paid

Travelling for work, yes, it sounds like a dream.

You might be a food critic, or international photographer. You might very well be a highly sought after public speaker with international appeal. And you go to places for free where other people pay for it. Heaven!

You look forward to catching up with friends who live in far away places. You get excited at the thought of meeting old colleagues or rubbing shoulders with people in the same industry. What could be better?

A break from the real world

Sometimes, travel gives you the perfect opportunity to take a break from a difficult situation. It simply allows you some time off and to be responsible for only yourself.

If things are bad at home, if you are in the middle of a sticky situation and you need to clear your head, travelling for work can be the best form of escapism. You trade in whatever is making you miserable for a change of scenery and sometimes that is all you need to get a handle on things. Things seem much better when you return.

And now for the flip side.

Missing family and personal milestones

For people who have close relations with their family and friends, this might not be the perfect lifestyle. Especially, when you need to go away often.

A friend of mine is a high powered executive and travels a lot for business. Every time he is away, he misses his small boys a lot and always returns a bit deflated. He hates missing their birthdays and school related events.

His wife is also not too happy. Since he only has to visit two main locations, they are now thinking about hiring someone to delegate some of the job duties on contractual basis. It is hard for them but this is what they want to do. Being away from his children is harder – confesses my friend regretfully.

All work and no play

Travelling for work is – well – work! You are not taking a holiday. Most of the time you don’t get any time to yourself and go sightseeing.

When I was little, my Dad used to travel a bit in his early days of a new job. He got to see fair bit of the world, however, he was quick to tell us that he spent most of his days in meetings, travelling to and from places, in his hotel room or on the plane. He had been to China but he didn’t get to see the Great Wall. He had been to Malaysia but didn’t visit the King’s palace. Either he was too busy, or too tired.

Yes, you do get to visit the city, but remember, it is not like being on a vacation.

Physical concerns

You are often eating out a lot, and healthy options can be difficult to find, or not very tempting. You might be surrounded by disease when travelling to a developing country. You could have limited opportunities for exercise and proper sleep. Jet lag can play havoc with your system. These are some issues to keep in mind when considering a career that involves a lot of travel.

Go by what is most important to you. Is it being independent and seeing the world? Being part of the bigger picture? If you can handle the demands and pressures of travelling and have the maturity to deal all with the cons mentioned above, this could be the right choice for you.

On the other hand, if you want to pursue it for the wrong reasons, to impress others perhaps, for the prestige and to acquire some ‘drool factor’, this might not be enough.

Consider carefully and make your choice. Good luck!

About the Author:  Tess Pajaron is part of the team behind Open Colleges. She has traveled to many different countries and loves to discover new and exciting places. She can also be seen on her social media profile at Google+.

Image courtesy of William Cho.

Why Your Co-Workers Don't Like Working With You

Michelle Agner Blog, Communication, Understanding Yourself 9 Comments

That guy down the hall who drives you nuts? Well, he doesn’t like working with you, either.

You think he moves S-L-O-W in everything he does: planning, analyzing, talking. Heck, he even moves slowly. So. dang. slow. And you prefer to take immediate action. Now.

Or maybe I have it backwards. Maybe you’re the analytical, planning type and he’s the knee-jerk, impulsive character that always sidetracks your methodical plan. Why does he have to move so fast on everything?

Either way – whichever role you play in your particular scenario – he feels the same way about you.

I guarantee it.

It Takes All Kinds

No matter what profession you’re in, you are dealing with people.

Sometimes we get lucky and the folks we interact with on a regular basis are similar to us in behavior, pace, and communication style. In those cases, we generally enjoy our time at work. Our co-workers are easy to talk to, things move along smoothly, and there are no personality conflicts causing hiccups within the team.

But when there’s a mismatch among co-workers – when behavior and communication styles differ significantly – work life suddenly becomes much less enjoyable. Maybe even intolerable.

So why doesn’t leadership consider this when establishing teams? Why don’t they match up all the fast-action-now types on one project and put the methodical-analytical-planners on another?

Well, here’s the kicker.

That would actually hurt the team, not help it. The most effective teams have a balance between the fast-action-now employees and the methodical-planners. A so-called “mismatch” actually benefits the overall team. That is, once the individual team members decide to get past driving each other nuts.

Getting Past The Annoyances

If you’re facing a situation like this, I commend you for wanting to do something to improve it. Many people take what is actually a simple “mismatch” in communication style and turn it into a drama-fest, damaging productivity and team cohesion along the way.

Maybe you’re experiencing the exact style mismatch described above – it’s a pretty common one. Or perhaps you’re direct and they’re non-confrontational. Or you might care about getting along with everyone and they’re focused solely on results.

Regardless of the specifics, there are a few things you can do to lessen the intensity of your particular mismatch situation.

1. Pay attention

Begin noticing the things they do that drive you nuts. Be as specific as you can as you analyze their behavior. This isn’t always easy – we often allow ourselves to become embroiled in annoyance and we overlook the potential lesson. Once you have specifics determined, take the extra step and consider your own behavior during the interaction. Was there anything you said or did that inadvertently led to their behavior?

As I overheard a mother at the playground ask, “Well, Billy, what happened right before he hit you?” While I’m not saying that we act like children at work, that question has stuck with me and I’ve often used it on myself  to help me see where my comments or behavior have contributed to a problem, versus finding a solution.

2. Consider their perspective

If you’re the analysis-planner type mentioned earlier, and your mismatch is sitting in the meeting listening to you methodically describe a step-by-step, fully-detailed plan, their natural propensity for fast action is going to have them assessing you as an annoying slowpoke.

Putting forethought into how your behavior and communication affects your mismatch will help you predict their reactions and behavior. Putting in a little effort here will help you avert problems in the future.

3. Adapt

Once you’ve noticed behavioral and communication differences between you and your mismatch, and you’ve considered how they are likely viewing you, consider adapting your style a bit. The closer you are to their location on the spectrum, the less likely the two of you will conflict.

If they prefer looking at the big picture, and you’re a super-detail-guy, you’ll want to provide more of a summary than you usually would. If they are more of a thinker and you are more of a talker, you’ll want to reduce unnecessary chit-chat.

Modifying your behavior and communication style will help you meet in the middle, and it will benefit your overall team, too. You might even find that your mismatch notices the change and does a little modifying of his own.

4. Keep Your Balance

Like anything, there is a balance. How much you adapt will depend on the outcome you’re seeking, and how much effort you’re willing to put forth. Keep in mind that adapting does not mean giving up ground or changing your overall message – it’s just making a change in how you go about it.

So whether you’re wondering why co-workers don’t like working with you, or what makes that guy in the next office so annoying, following this process will provide the answers you’ve been seeking.

Have you ever experienced a mismatch at work? How did you handle it?

 

Image courtesy of Kenny Louie.

Your DISC Assessment Is All Wrong (Or Is It?)

Michelle Agner Blog, Personal Growth, Products & Tools, Understanding Yourself 9 Comments

It’s not uncommon to read through the results of your DISC assessment and disagree with some of it.

But that doesn’t mean your report isn’t accurate.

Our coaches here at Balanced WorkLife have a bit of experience with folks who want to argue over the content of their DISC reports.

And I was one of them.

My coach’s advice?

Show it to your best friend, your mom, your significant other.

Basically, someone who knows you well and will tell you the truth.

My coach then told the story of a client who read the first few pages of her report and literally tossed it aside in a huff. Her fiancé asked her what the problem was and she replied, “This DISC thing got me all wrong.” So he looked through the report and ended up laughing out loud.

In his opinion, the assessment was spot-on.

Seems that we don’t always see ourselves the way others see us.

And just one of the many things that DISC does is to help us see ourselves as others see us. This is valuable stuff, even when some of  the results are not what you want to hear.

Not What I Wanted To Hear

Learning that others may see me as non-demonstrative, hesitant, or unconcerned was a shocker. And when I’m under pressure? Well, during those times, I’m perceived as possessive, detached, stubborn, and insensitive.

What?!

I’m Not Inflexible…. Am I?

But after a bit of reflection (because, as my DISC will tell you, I’m big on reflection) I began having flashbacks to times in my life where I displayed behavior that could label me as stubborn, inflexible, or overly-cautious.

Not only did I realize that there were times that others likely viewed me in the not-so-complimentary ways listed above, but I also saw how their judgments affected our future interactions.

Just a few of the examples that flashed through my mind:

  • A former boss asking for immediate feedback on a new idea. I stared at him, my cautious, & calculating nature considering the impact on operations while I tried to stammer out an organized response. When I failed to rave with excitement, he decided I was uninterested. A few more such interactions, and he stopped coming to me with his ideas.
  • My long-ago announcement to my husband that if he wanted to go to the movies with me that night, I’d need to know by noon so I could “prepare.”  While he now understands that I’m thrown off by spontaneity – and does his best to fulfill my request for prior planning – sometimes he’ll announce, “I’m going to the movies in an hour.” And off he goes.
  • The time I alarmed a group of software engineers during a meeting on implementation details. They realized mid-stream that making a high-level change would fix one problem we were having, but they were oblivious to the problem it would create on my side of the fence. Faced with this unexpected change, I freaked out and resisted their proposal with everything I had, displaying possessiveness and stubbornness that defied logic. They requested a different Program Manager for their next project.

Sometimes self-awareness really stinks. Going back through these experiences felt like my very own episode of “This Is Your Life.” But without the contrived tears.

So Now What?

The benefit of going through this process is that insights from your past can guide you in the present. As a result, I now make an effort to express myself more openly, or maybe say “I’ll need to think about that a bit” when feeling pressed for an opinion, or to notice that I’m resisting change solely because I’m averse to change.

So, in the event that you’ve disagreed with portions of your DISC assessment, give it another go. Take another look or share it with a friend. A really good friend.

One who won’t upset you when they laugh out loud.

 

Image courtesy of Ashley Sturgis. 

The Mythbusters Guide to Interpersonal Communication

Michelle Agner Blog, Understanding Yourself 11 Comments ,

Even if you’re not a fan of the Mythbusters, you’ve probably heard of them. Unless you’re anti-Discovery Channel, you’ve likely seen these guys attempt to prove (or disprove) urban legends and modern-day tall tales.

Although the team has grown since the show’s humble beginnings in 2003, Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman are the primary Mythbusters.

And while I’ve always known they were kind of a mismatched pair, it wasn’t until recently that I noticed just how significantly different their behavior and communication styles are.

First there’s Adam:  extroverted and fast-acting, he jumps right in to every experiment. He’s very expressive, uses a lot of hand gestures when he’s talking, and employs loud, silly voices.

And then we have Jamie: analytical and methodical, Jamie likes to make a plan before taking any action. While researching the show’s history, I found a quote from Jamie: “You have to remember that I’m a guy who is happiest in a dark room just thinking. I’m not a sociable person. I don’t like to talk.”

Usually when people with such significantly different styles work together, there’s a problem or two.

At the very least, frustrations.

And sure enough, the Mythbusters are no exception.

Excited Adam vs ‘Excited Jamie’

You might remember the “Penny Drop” episode from season one. Their goal was to determine if a penny dropped from the top of the Empire State Building could gain enough velocity to actually kill someone.

So Adam builds a mini wind tunnel to demonstrate the complex equations that reveal the velocity of a penny falling from a great distance.  He’s pretty enthusiastic about his results. His expressive nature makes it obvious.

Jamie is pleased, too, but because of his low-key communication style, it’s tough to tell.

Adam is incredulous about – and disappointed by – Jamie’s understated response. In frustration, he cries “This is excited Jamie?!”

You can view their unbalanced interaction on the clip below – at 4 minutes and 45 seconds in.

While it’s fun to watch this kind of conflict on television, it’s not quite as enjoyable when it happens in person.

Here are some things to keep in mind when you’re dealing with someone who has a style that is significantly different than yours:

They interpret progress differently.

In the video above, Adam, the optimist, feels that he’s already hit a winner. Jamie, the skeptic, knows that they’re just a single step down a long path.

Frustrated, Adam grumbles to the cameraman about Jamie’s lack of exuberance. Immediately followed by a clip of Jamie’s logic-based explanation about why there was really no reason for jumping up and down with joy over a lab success when there’s clearly many more steps to go in the process of disproving this myth.

They problem-solve differently.

Adam goes all-in, building a mini wind tunnel without expressing his plan to anyone else. He thinks it, he builds it. High urgency, low analysis. Adam is all about the experience that’s created.

But Jamie. He’s a bit more cautious in his approach.  In the clip above he explains, “I’ve decided to use the staple gun first, because when we’re experimenting with things here in the shop I don’t like to go through a whole elaborate process and days of machining something only to find it was the wrong approach.” He’s relatively risk-averse, and wants to know that his time and effort are not going to be wasted.

So although their approaches vary, they both create valuable results.

They express themselves differently.

Adam uses big hand gestures and expresses a lot of enthusiasm for whatever he’s doing. He speaks quickly, loudly, and often in goofy voices. He likes to go fast. Perhaps that explains the Segway?

But Jamie is a bit understated. Even when he blasts a penny toward the ceiling, destroying the florescent lights above, the only reaction we get out of him is a smile, and a “whoops.” Followed by a calmly delivered warning, “We should probably get out of here, that’s mercury vapor.”

They celebrate success differently.

Even when they blow stuff up – which they regularly do – there’s a marked difference in their observable behaviors.

In Season 5′s “End With a Bang” episode, they attempted to cut through an SUV with Thermite, a mixture of iron oxide and finely powdered aluminum that burns at temperatures higher than molten lava.

While observing the lava-like burn and destruction, Adam laughs loudly and evilly, while Jamie stands somewhat still, watching the destruction with a gleam in his eye. “That’s what I’m talking about,” he states, with minimal voice inflection.

Just because their observable actions are different, doesn’t mean that they aren’t on the same page, both of them celebrating gleefully.

The Danger Zone

If we’re not aware of them, these differing communication styles can be problematic. It’s common for a physically expressive person (like Adam) to perceive a more subdued personality (like Jamie’s) to be unconcerned, uninterested, or even inflexible. Misperceptions like those can lead to conflict – maybe not immediately, but eventually.

The important thing to remember is that neither style is bad – they’re just different. Keep that in mind during your interaction and there’s a good chance you can avoid conflicting with the other person.

And even though Adam and Jamie might disagree with me on this, I’ll say it anyway: when it comes to interpersonal communication, it’s not always good to end with a bang.

 

Image courtesy of Tom Small.

 

The High Cost of Your Annoyance

Michelle Agner Blog, Personal Growth, Understanding Yourself 12 Comments

“I can’t deal with him. He’s just so annoying.”

Ever said that? Or something close to it?

You might not realize that your annoyance is costing you. Big time.

Although choosing to focus on a person’s annoying tone of voice, their annoying (lack of) manners, or their annoying habit of arranging their desk “just so” might be completely justified, there is a downside.

You miss other stuff. Potentially important stuff. Stuff you actually care about.

Here’s an example:

Some years ago I was at a marketing seminar and one of the attendees had a question. A carpet cleaner by trade, he was asking the speaker’s opinion about developing strategic alignments with other service-based companies, and he provided an example of how his efforts – with a high-end animal hospital – had been successfully expanding his client base at break-neck speed.

But what he said was, in a slow-paced drawl, “Ya see, I took my dog to the vet…..” and he meandered his way along from there, in a semi-monotone.

Ten seconds into this man’s rambling story, the colleague I was with had tuned him out and was whispering to me: “Why are they letting him jabber on and on?! Can’t they take this offline?”

I stayed focused on the interaction between the attendee and the presenter. And they shared great value with the audience. Later on, I mentioned one of the ideas they discussed to my colleague.

She agreed it was fantastic, and excitedly stated that we should attempt a similar approach. And then she asked what session it was discussed in.

When I told her it came from the “I took my dog to the vet” guy, she was astounded. And embarrassed. She instantly realized she had let her annoyance with his communication style overshadow the content of his message.

Her personal preference for fast-paced, high-energy communication led her to incorrectly judge that this guy had nothing to offer her.  As a result, she missed the gem he delivered.

Luckily, my preference for slow-paced, deliberate communication kept me from being annoyed, and I was able to capture it for her.

Have you ever let your annoyance get in the way? What did you miss as a result?

image courtesy of Jordi Paya. 

 

The Ultimate "Communication Horror Story" Contest

Michelle Agner Blog, Understanding Yourself 32 Comments

Day one at the new job and my boss thrust a new camera – complete with packaging and manuals – into my hands.

“Why don’t you learn how to use this so you can teach me,” he said, rushing off somewhere, providing no opportunity to ask questions.

I took the box and laughed, thinking he was joking.  After all, he was quite the jokester.

Everyone knew that. And besides, it was a point-and-shoot camera.

It would take just as much time and effort – if not more – for me to demo it to him, than if he’d just look over the quick start instructions himself.

He was clearly kidding.

Right?

Well, no, he wasn’t. But I didn’t know that.

And I sure didn’t expect my faux pas to be perceived as a lack of respect, or that he’d assess that I had a low level of urgency, or that my sense of prioritization sucked. But that’s how it went.

The worst part?

I didn’t even realize that’s what had happened.

But his assessment of my behavior clearly impacted the choices he made down the road. Choices that cost me opportunities.

Meanwhile, I attributed his actions to being an egotistical jerk. And that certainly didn’t serve me well.

Older and wiser now, I can see that his high-energy-high-urgency style was not a match for my logic-based, steady & predictable propensities.

With neither of us understanding those differences, nor making efforts to meet each other in the middle, we didn’t make it.

Tell Us Your Communication Horror Stories and Win a $25 Gift Card at Amazon

There are a lot of horror stories about workplace communication issues. That’s one of our specialties here at Balanced WorkLife, which is why every one of our projects begins with assessing a client’s communication style.

But we can’t share those stories. Something to do with pesky confidentiality issues. I’m sure you understand.

So instead, we’d like to hear your stories.

And we’ll even bribe you to do so.

Here’s How it Works

1.  Share Your Story in the Comments Below

Tell us your best story on the topic of workplace communication – either regarding your boss, your team, a customer, prospective client, etc. Convince us just how badly you blew it. Or how badly they blew it.

Let us know who referred you to our site and sweepstakes so they can win a gift card as well.

2.  Make Sure You are Signed Up for Our People Profiler Pre-Launch

If you haven’t checked out our sneak preview of the People Profiler you should.  It’s designed to prevent these communication nightmares from happening in the future.

I’ll put a box below so you can be informed when the People Profiler launches and officially be entered in this contest.

3.  Refer Your Friends So You Can Have Even More Chances to Win

This is the best part.  Say you don’t win, but you have a friend you referred who entered and shared one heck of a horror story.

That makes you both winners in our book.  And we give winners Amazon gift cards!

So spread the news on Facebook, Twitter, your own blog, Google+ EVERYWHERE.

4.  Deadline February 22nd Midnight

The best story – as determined by our (biased) team – gets the $25 Amazon Gift Card while the friend who referred them gets a $10 Amazon Gift Card? We’ll publish and announce the winner in a blog shortly after the deadline.

So come on, share the horror. You know you want to!

Image courtesy of Anant N S.

Why You Will Fail to Have a Great Career

Bryce Christiansen Blog, Understanding Yourself, WorkLife Balance 9 Comments , , , ,

When I heard these words a week ago my eye’s sparkled and something in my brain went, “Yep, you’re clicking that.”

What I saw next has stuck with me since.

So I’m here today to share what I saw and why you too “will fail to have a great career.”

An Economist’s View On Careers

What I saw that day was a video on TED from economist Larry Smith.  And he laid it out straight,  “I’m an economist, I do dismal”.

He went on to make it clear who his audience was, “I’m not talking to those who want ‘good’ jobs, or ‘okay’ jobs. I’m talking about those who truly want ‘GREAT’ jobs.”

“Oh, people who want ‘good’ jobs will fail as well,” he went on to say.  “Because good jobs are disappearing.  There are great jobs and great careers… and there are high workload, high stress, blood sucking, soul destroying kinds of jobs…and nothing really in between. So people looking for good jobs are going to fail.”

So if we’re doomed from at least having a good career…what’s stopping us from having a “great” career.

No matter how many times we are told to find your dream, your passion, we don’t find it.

Pursuing your passions has become one of the biggest cliches of the universe, yet we ignore it and make excuses.

Our first excuse, “Great careers for most people are a matter of luck.” I’ll do the right things, study the right courses, and if I’m lucky I’ll have a great career.  If not, at least I’ll have a good career.  But, Larry Smith already told us “good” careers aren’t possible so that won’t work.

Excuse number two, “Yes, some people pursue passions but they’re geniuses.” We tell ourselves, “I’m no Steve Jobs.  I don’t have the brains to carry out my passion.”  We tell ourselves we’re competent, but in 2012 competence doesn’t get you “great” jobs.

Excuse number three, “I would do it…but I’m not weird.” We see successful people as walking a fine line between madness and genius.  They are a little crazy, mean, odd, quirky, strange, and different.  But you…you’re normal.  So you can’t possibly be the next Mark Zuckerberg or Oprah Winfrey.

Excuse number four, “Mommy and Daddy taught me that if I work really hard I’ll have a great career.” Oh sure, the world will give you plenty of opportunities to work REALLY hard, but does that honestly give you a great career?

Excuse number five, “I have an interest.” Men, would you approach the women of your dreams, bow down on one knee and then exclaim at the top of your lungs, “Marry me…you’re interesting?”  Why are you studying the major you picked, was it because you had a passion for that subject…or did it just interest you?

Some of you will find your passion…but you still won’t do it.

Yes, some of you will find what you love and are passionate about, but will drop it for your next excuse.

“I want to value human relationships over a great career…”

You’ve just made yourself a hero no matter what happens.

You’ve given yourself the ultimate excuse for not having a “great” career.

If you fail now, at least you were a good person.

And you’ll pass on the same things to your children

Your kid one day will come up to you and say, “Dad, Mom… I want to be a magician.”

And you’ll tell them, “It’s risky…It doesn’t make much money…You’re good at math, you should try that.”

And he’ll look at you with his puppy eyes and plea, “But it’s my dream!”

To which you will have to tell him, “Look kid I had a dream too once but…”

What do you say?

“I had a dream too once but… I was afraid to pursue it.”

Or.

“Look kid I had a dream too once…but then you were born.”

‘Do you really want to look at your spouse…your family and see jailors?’ Larry asks.

Don’t you wish you could say, “I had a dream too son, go for it… just like I did.”

But you won’t be able to say that because you didn’t.

And so the sins of the parents are visited on the children.

Why will you seek refuge in human relationships as your excuse not to find and pursue your passion?

You know why.

Because you’re afraid…

to pursue it

to look ridiculous

to try

to fail.

“Great friend.  Great spouse.  Great parent.  Is that not a package…not who you are…can you be one without the other?” Smith asks.

“But you’re afraid, and that’s why you will not have a great career”

Unless….unless.

Watch the TED Talk

image courtesy of Alex E. Poimos and mrpunto

Why a 20 Minute Task Took…13 Years?

Michelle Agner Blog, Personal Growth, Understanding Yourself 3 Comments

Editor’s Note:  I’m here to welcome Michelle Agner as the newest member of our team.  She’s going to be helping me with marketing and the blog so expect to see more of her.  Enjoy! – Bryce

It’s not the hard-and-fast rule that it used to be, but about the time I entered the workforce, there were big concerns about candidates who had a history of job hopping.

Spent less than three years at your last company? You’d better have a good explanation for that. Only two years in your role before that? Uh-oh….

Well, that was me. But fortunately, the 2-3 year pattern I established didn’t hurt too much. Each position I went for was usually newly created, the hiring managers weren’t completely sure of what they needed, and I was an effective chameleon, making myself appear to be just what they thought they wanted.

Within a year I’d figure out that it wasn’t a good fit.

I’d spend the next 6 months understanding why this particular situation wasn’t a good fit, a few more months becoming resentful about the poor fit, and then a few more months on a job hunt to find a better fit.

Rinse and repeat.

After establishing this pattern, noticing it, and taking some time to reflect on it, I realized some things about myself:

  1. I’m happiest when I’m in a role that’s balanced between people and tech. Too much on either end and I get itchy.
  2. I’m sensitive to others’ feelings. I start out accommodating them, and next thing you know I’m killing myself to ensure everyone at work is happy. Resentment follows. This is a bad recipe that I need to keep in check or I’ll soon have one foot out the door with my employer wondering what the heck happened.
  3. Call me a data girl! I need research before I’m comfortable making a decision. But once I make it, I’m full steam ahead.

So let’s see……experiencing repeated stress & frustration, changing jobs, noticing the pattern, and doing the self-analysis in order to discover the above nuggets of wisdom took about 13 years.

Last week, my DISC profile revealed the exact same things, and thensome. In about 20 minutes.

I’d like to say that what led to taking the DISC was a quest for self-awareness and improvement. But I can’t. It’s part of the hiring process here at Balanced WorkLife.

Thank goodness.

And I now have a 50 page report all about me! My general characteristics, the value I bring to the organization, how best to communicate with me, my ideal environment, how I see me, how others see me, how best to manage me, on and on, all about me.

Who wouldn’t love that?

Reading the report was like an episode of “This is Your Life,” with each new revelation evoking a related memory from my work history, complete with an “a-ha!” moment attached.

That’s why she and I didn’t get along! That’s why I didn’t respect that guy! That’s why I felt like I failed on that project!

And while I’m thankful for these valuable insights, I can’t help but wonder what effect this knowledge would have had on career choices from my past. In one case, I’d never have taken the job offer, in another, I’d likely still be there. Sigh.

We’ve all heard the Ancient Greek aphorism, “Know Thyself.” But do we actively practice it?

What if I had? What impact would that small investment have had on my career? On my life? I’ll never know.

Have you ever made the effort to understand yourself better? Your communication style? Your motivators? Do you feel it made a difference?

If you would like your own personal DISC profile email Bryce at bchristiansen@balancedworklife.com and he’ll set you up with a quote.

Image courtesy of gato-gato-gato.

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