Charlie Sheen’s Guide to Emotional Intelligence

March 8, 2011 by Bryce Christiansen in Emotional Intelligence

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Before we ever heard of Tigerblood and Adonis DNA, Charlie Sheen made a profound and foretelling comment, “I’ve got volumes on how not to behave.  I’ve got more information now than a guy should have at my age.”

Today’s blog borrows from one of those volumes and gives us guidance on how to learn from what’s happening in current pop culture.  The last few weeks have given us one of the most brilliant examples of lack of emotional intelligence we may not see again in the public spotlight for some time.

The Charlie Sheen Definition of Emotional Intelligence

It’s best to start by understanding what emotional intelligence is, before diving into how we can learn from Charlie Sheen.  In general, it is the ability to sense, understand, and apply the power and acumen of emotions to facilitate higher levels of collaboration and productivity.  In other words, how aware are you of your’s and other’s emotions, and how do you respond accordingly?  I wrote a blog earlier that goes over the basics of emotional intelligence if you want to read that first.

What’s interesting is that you can assess what your emotional intelligence is and go on to make improvements.  Charlie Sheen gracefully gave us more than enough input to address how well his emotional intelligence would score, and what we can learn from him accordingly.

Self-Awareness

The first area of emotional intelligence is self-awareness.  This is the ability to recognize and understand your moods, emotions and drives, as well as their effect on others.

Trying to interpret Charlie Sheen’s emotions in the last 20/20 interview was like reading a wet book.  Some paragraphs were legible, but the majority just blurred into nonsense.  Despite how serious the interviewer was and how important the topics were, Sheen answered the deep questions, as if they were an opening for a joke.  He never came off as if in denial, just that his reality was too complicated and “epic” for people of this terrestrial planet to understand.  Unless we were Rockstars from Mars, had the blood of tigers, or the genetic makeup of Gods, we were beneath any comprehension of his behavior.

At one point he was asked if he was bi polar.  Instead of describing his moods or behavior he answered, “I’m bi-winning, I win here and I win there”

I came away thinking he doesn’t even understand what he’s feeling.  It was also quite evident that he lived in a land of fantasy as far as how his actions would affect those around him.  He seemed completely taken unaware a few days later when police came to take custody of his twin boys.  In front of the camera, he seemed confident his behavior was in the best interest for his kids.

Self-Awareness – Failed

If you want to exercise better self-awareness;

• Reflect on the connection between your emotions and your behavior.
• Write in a journal about your emotional responses to situations that were significant.
• List your strengths and weaknesses, then have a close friend or family member do the same for you.  Reflect on how the lists compare.

Self-Regulation

The second area of emotional intelligence is self-regulation.  This is your ability to control or redirect disruptive impulses and moods and the propensity to suspend judgment to think before acting.

No more than a day after hearing Two and A Half Men would not finish the season, Charlie Sheen hit the air waves with morning radio shows to discuss his feelings.  I think the following quote regarding Chuck Lorre the producer of his show, demonstrates Charlie Sheen’s level of control in this area quite well.

“I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon.  Clearly I have defeated this earth worm with my words – imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.”

Another time he said, “People say you have to work on your resentments. Yeah, no, I’m gonna hang onto them and they’re gonna fuel my attack.”

It’s also no surprise that if you are a Hotel owner, the last person you trust to exercise proper thought and judgment on how to treat your room, is Charlie Sheen.

Self-Regulation – Failed

If you want to exercise better self-regulation;

• When an experience causes a negative emotion, summarize the situation to figure out what your triggers are and how you typically respond.
• Put your feelings in perspective with the big picture; ask yourself, “How will I feel about this one week from now?”
• Exercise more.  Exercise regulates your emotions by releasing endorphins, adrenaline, serotonin and dopamine.  That’s why sometimes when you feel frustrated, it helps to just take a quick walk.
  

Motivation

The third area of emotional intelligence is motivation, or the passion to work for reasons that go beyond money or status and a propensity to pursue goals with energy and persistence.

This is a bit harder to judge.  On one hand, there is no denying that Charlie Sheen has passion or shows energy and persistence in meeting his goals.  The question is what motivates him to do so?  Is it the money and status or would he behave the same way for free?

It is hard for me to see Charlie Sheen as un-motivated.  He works out each morning, is actively looking for the next gig, and even took to Twitter with amazing results.  However, I find it hard to believe he isn’t doing it for the attention, status, or money.  Even his twit pic is part of a marketing campaign.

I’ll take the Mythbuster’s route and announce this one as – Plausible

If you want to increase your own motivation;

• List your goals and post them where you can see them each day.  Make notes and track your progress monthly.
• Find mentors who inspire you and work with them to understand the tools they used to become a success.
• Celebrate the accomplishments along the way.

Empathy

The third segment of emotional intelligence is Empathy.  This is your ability to understand the emotional makeup of other people.

People with high empathy scores help those around them, have a genuine concern for others’ well being, or listen carefully before speaking.  It’s fairly easy to see how Sheen lacks an empathetic outlook on the world through some of his statements as well.

“If I’m bi polar aren’t there moments where a guy crashes and cries in a corner like it’s all my mom’s fault? Shut up, Shut up, stop… move forward.”

“I don’t have time for their judgment and their stupidity and you know they lay down with their ugly wives in front of their ugly children and look at their loser lives and then they look at me and they say, ‘I can’t process it’ well, no, you never will stop trying, just sit back and enjoy the show. You know?”

Empathy – Failed

The video above is funny but accurate when it comes to being more empathetic.  If you want to improve your empathy skills;

• Attempt to understand others before communicating your point of view.
• Practice empathetic communication in response to your family members and coworkers.
• Break bad interpersonal habits, such as interrupting others.

Interpersonal Social Skills

Interpersonal Social Skills are the last part of emotional intelligence.  This is your ability to manage relationships and build networks.

Again Charlie Sheen is split in this area.  His relationships come and go, he’s been married three times and they’ve all ended badly.  His work relationships are troubled and he is quick to go public and degrade them.

However, his networking skills may be considered phenomenal.  He holds the Guinness Book World Record for the fastest person to ever get 1,000,000 followers on Twitter.  He has thousands of merchandisers seeking his endorsements for their products.  The question is if he can sustain these connections, or will it all die away as a fad? Right now we can just wait and see.

Social Skills – Passed (but may burnout after hype ends)

If you want to improve your social skills;

• Connect with people you have just met and find ways to continue to build the rapport.
• Seek quality, rather than quantity, in your social bonds.  Converse with others on a deeper level.
• Join a professional group or a sports team to practice building bonds

Do You Have the Emotional Intelligence of Charlie Sheen?

For just a short time we are giving readers a free emotional intelligence assessment. To receive it you need to register for our free webinar Emotional Intelligence: Secret Ingredient to Workplace Success.  You’ll learn where you fit in each of the segments we just covered, as well as some tips on how to improve your scores.  Also, the webinar will further your learning on emotional intelligence and provide you useful applications for your assessment.

Tags: Emotional, Emotional Intelligence, emotions